Seven Things to Do After You Retire (Satire)

Write a book on being bored: Grandpa Bob’s Book of Ennui. Write about learning to live on less. Write about failed attempts at hobbies and online businesses. Write about how no one calls you anymore. Write about the vast empty desert space of your life ahead of you. Write about letting yourself go. Write about being so bored you write posts like this one for your blog that nobody reads.

Take up smoking. Lung cancer takes years to develop and by then some other illness may kill you anyway. Start small with nicotine gum then work your way up to patches before you enjoy your first cigarette. Only do this if your body can take it. Consult your doctor before undertaking this adventure and watch him have a conniption.

Take up gardening. Grow rare weeds. Big nasty ones. Import weed seeds from all over the world and destroy the local flora. If people can import boa constrictors, why can’t you import non-indigenous weed plants? Be prepared for an invigorating fight with your neighbors, the homeowner’s association, and city health inspectors.

Join your local neighborhood watch program or homeowner’s association and make an absolute fascist ass of yourself by constantly meddling with other people’s business. Study how to anonymously stab people in the back while smiling to their faces. Or just be a mean bastard and openly show them how tough you are. Either way, make sure you go home with a feeling of self-righteous victory for proving that small minds can win after all.

Install surveillance cameras everywhere. Have video doorbells that yell at kids to stay off your lawn and scare the shit out of people delivering food for your neighbors. Install super bright lights with motion detectors that turn night into day every time cars drive by. Record everything and watch old recordings when your favorite TV show goes off the air after 60 years. Always sit in the dark with only a small lamp to keep you company.

Become a Karen. Start fights with your neighbors about trees growing over property lines, parking slots, mailbox decorum, flying flags, trash cans, food smells, and Christmas decorations. Don’t forget to call the police promptly at 10:00 pm to shut down neighborhood parties and trick or treating. If you are good at this, you may become the star in a YouTube video created by a neighbor or innocent bystander. Study how to become a professional narcissist.

Practice yelling at the TV. It is a highly effective way to get your cardio with the added bonus of letting those assholes and idiots on TV know how opinionated you are without having to fear any repercussions. It’s like being a Karen in Karen Paradise. You can be as loud and ornery as you want. This only works if you live alone or have a deaf partner. Otherwise prepare to have screaming matches with your partner over a) which channels to watch, and b) what is wrong with this country. This includes topics such as politics (a favorite), the weather, sports, and young people and their music, hair, tattoos, and how uneducated they are (not their fault).

The Story of Dr. Jill and Mr. Biden

According to Mr. Biden’s wife, Dr. Jill, various White House staffers, members of the media, governmental heads of agencies, various Democrat politicians and other members of Mr. Biden’s coterie, Mr. Biden is “sharp, intensely probing, and detail oriented.” In addition, he has also been described as “commanding” and in full control of his mental faculties.

That may very well be true if it were not for the facts that, Mr. Biden only functions at full steam (by his standards) between the hours of 10:00 am and 4:00 pm and that special counsel Robert Hur described Mr. Biden as having “diminished faculties and a faulty memory,” and “limited precision and recall.” Furthermore, Mr. Biden is known to freeze during conversations and speeches, speak gibberish, and fall and aimlessly wander off stages.

In other words, there are two Bidens. One who musters whatever energy he can under the watchful eye of his wife for a limited time during the day, and then there is the off-duty Mr. Biden who is left to his own devices surrounded by soft cushions and staff that makes sure he does not wander off into the street.

There is Dr. Jill’s Biden and an off-duty Biden. Daytime Biden and Nighttime Biden.

Daytime Biden is increasingly becoming interchangeable with Dr. Jill, who campaigns for him and takes on more and more of his functions. Soon, Dr. Jill and Mr. Biden will be synonymous and meld into Daytime Supastah Biden, admired by sycophants and trotted out like a show pony whenever there is doubt about Mr. Biden’s mental state.

Unfortunately, even Daytime Supastah Biden is prone to gaffes, faux pas, and stumbles. One wonders what goes on in the Biden household away from the public eye, in the darkness of night.

Does Nighttime Biden sit in his favorite chair, trying to comprehend what he sees on TV, or does he wander around the White House, mumbling to portraits, statues, and pillars? Or does Dr. Jill tuck him into bed early, infusing his body with banana bags and restorative potions while she plans her power moves for the next day?

The President is in trouble and with him our whole country. The emperor has no clothes, the mask has fallen, the coverup exposed, and everybody has egg on their face.

But, and this is a big but, is Biden replaceable at this late stage in the tragic milling around of US politics and who will replace him? Ever hear the story of King Log and King Stork? Or the saying “Better the devil you know”? What will happen if, say, by some miracle, the greasy Gavin Newson or a similar unpalatable political creature replaces Biden? And how will the Democrats ease Biden out of the White House? Will he rise to the heavens on Marine One or be carried out on a stretcher?

Newsom talks a good game but his track record as governor of California predestines him to ruining the country for good should be become president, no matter how much swooning his female fans produce. He must never be allowed within a thousand-mile radius of anything remotely presidential, even a souvenir mug.

Then there is Michele Obama, the true Princess of America (sorry, Meghan) who claims disinterest. Could she be persuaded to step down from her charmed life into the muck rucking of DC politics? Wishful thinking by her adoring fans will not erase the scars of her previous encounters with DC politics at the side of her equally adored Obama. We all know that she it too smart to want to become president and rightly so.

That leaves us with lesser-known candidates: a few governors, eager politicians, and power-hungry psychopaths. The chances of a statesmen emerging from that crowd are slim to non-existent.

Will Trump replace Biden? A lot of people believe so but there are too many unknowns lurking around his candidacy. Will he go to jail? What other real or pseudo dirt will the Democrat Mean Machine dig up to try and ruin him and his family forever?

We know the Dems will not rest until Mr. Trump’s ashes have been strewn into the winds and his name erased from human memory. Democrat fear, angst, paranoia, envy, and white-hot hatred of Trump is palpable and omnipresent. They will not rest. They have wasted billions of dollars trying to discredit this man, money that could have been spent on projects dear to Democrat’s hearts like public housing and education. Instead, the Democrat-leaning public relations companies and law firms gobbled up every last cent and recycled swaths of it as political donations.

What if Trump were to be hit by the proverbial bus and die? Suddenly the mainstream media would have nothing to talk about. The value of their company’s stocks would drop by fifty percent as they watched Trumps golden casket being lowered into the ground, or shot to Mars, following one of his megalomaniac whims.

A great gnashing of teeth would ensue with star commentators being fired, budgets fiercely slashed, and an even greater number of pseudo-events chased down to fill the evening news.

The great media machine which is Trump reigns supreme over all of them. Without Trump there would be nothing, only grain reports, crime stats and woke fairy tales about DEI.

The wheel of life turns. Fortuna’s wheel turns. The fate of our country relies on which way Mr. Biden turns when he exits his next engagement. Will he fall and become incapacitated, or will Dr. Jill grab his elbow and guide him to safety? Will the Biden/Jill Supastah Conglomerate win the race against Biden’s creeping senility, or will they face reality and gracefully exit left? Or will Biden’s vanity and inflated sense of self-importance force the nation to witness the public decline of a career politician?

Finally, does Biden’s mental health status even matter? By now it has become clear that there are unseen forces in the White House pushing the levers of governance. As long as they and his handlers are doing their job, even though they are not elected officials, why worry? But who will go down in history as the man or woman who pushed the nuclear button?

Trump’s Record Speaks for Itself

For half a century, Donald Trump has openly showcased his egomania to the American public. A detailed account of its myriad public expressions, even before 2016, could easily fill a book.

Yet, despite this, Trump achieved a remarkable transformation within the Republican Party upon winning the nomination in 2016. He turned it from a party of the wealthy elite into a socially conservative, populist movement. He not only secured the nomination but also won the presidency.

The policies that a second Trump administration would pursue are as predictable as those of a second Biden administration. During his first term, Trump demonstrated an unparalleled commitment to fulfilling his campaign promises. There is little reason to believe he would not do so again, and his 2024 campaign promises are both candid and consistent with those from 2016 and 2020.

Many Trump supporters are acutely aware of his character flaws but appreciate both his rhetoric and policies. Trump articulated truths that few dared to voice before 2016. One such truth is that America’s ruling elites, supported by academia, the media, and the federal bureaucracy, have undermined American workers through relentless pursuit of cheap foreign labor via free trade and immigration from poorer countries.

Other truths he has pointed out include the notion that social justice extends beyond issues of race, gender, or sexual preference; that the concept of gender is not limitless; that having white skin does not inherently make one evil; and that keeping Muslims out of the United States is a more cost-effective, humane, and efficient way to protect against Islamist violence than invading Muslim countries.

Moreover, Trump’s actions in office closely mirrored his campaign rhetoric. Let us not forget: Franklin Roosevelt promised to balance the federal budget in 1932; Lyndon Johnson vowed not to send U.S. troops to Vietnam in 1964; and Bill Clinton vehemently opposed free trade with China in 1992. Each of these presidents did the opposite of what they had pledged. Trump, however, did not.

Biden’s Puppet Masters

For several years now it has become increasingly evident to any attentive observer of American public affairs that President Biden’s cognitive faculties have been waning. His ability to perform the duties of his office has largely been orchestrated by a cadre of advisors and handlers who maintain deliberately low public profiles.

For those Americans who have grown weary of the decades-long trend towards a more infantilized political climate, the personal vigor or visibility of the president may be of little consequence. What truly matters is the quality of governance provided by the Biden administration over the past four years and the efficacy of the policies it has pursued.

Should President Biden secure re-election, one can expect a continuation of similar governance and policies until either the end of his term or his passing, whichever comes first. The interests currently guiding President Biden will undoubtedly continue to wield influence, whether through the same advisors and handlers or others chosen for the task. The specific identities and functions of these individuals are of secondary importance.

The critical issue with President Biden is not his apparent senility but the degree to which he is controlled and the implications of that control. The effects of this control, both past and future, are plainly evident. The personal condition of President Biden is overshadowed by the broader machinery of influence and governance.

Kidney Donor Needed

This message is from my sister-in-law, Eleanor. Eleanor is 47 years old and works for a public broadcasting station. Her husband, Rick, works in aeronautics. They live in Connecticut.


Dear family and friends: Please pray that I can find a kidney donor. I am in need of a kidney transplant. A few weeks ago I was in the hospital and found out that I have only 8 percent kidney function. I have stage 4/5 kidney disease caused by lupus nephritis which I’ve been battling for years. I’m hoping that my kidneys will hang in there for a while longer and have stopped immunotherapy.

Please pray that I find a living donor match. My blood type is O Positive and the survival rate is higher with a living donor urged by the Hartford Hospital Transplant Program. Unfortunately, no one in my family nor my spouse’s family matches my blood type. This is all happening very quickly for me but I’m leaning on God’s steadfast grace. I know He has a plan in all this and may my testimony someday attest to His glory.

We’re still learning the process so please keep us in your prayers.

If you have any questions, you can reach out to me at or call the program coordinator:

Hartford Hospital Transplant Living Donor Program
(860) 696-2021

Thank you for your prayers!
Your fellow sister in Christ,

On Being a Kidney Donor

Who can be a kidney donor?

A suitable living donor should:

Be at least 18 years old

Have no history of kidney disease, heart disease, diabetes, active cancer, or other diseases that could complicate surgery

People shouldn’t rule themselves out if they simply think they wouldn’t qualify. Being a few pounds overweight, for example, does not disqualify you.

A Living Kidney Donor Coordinators talks with each person to evaluate if they are a good candidate. If someone is unsure if they qualify, please call to speak with one of our coordinators.

And remember, even if a donor is not a match for an intended recipient, he or she can join a Kidney Swap Program that allows incompatible pairs to participate in a paired kidney exchange.